Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Birdemic 2: In Which I Continue Doing This To Myself

My last post was about the first Birdemic film, and why it was so awful that it made me question whether there is anything good in the world and if free will is just an illusion. So is there any reason to watch Birdemic: Shockingly Terrible? Only one- Birdemic 2: The Resurrection gets a LOT funnier if you've seen the first one. The bad effects, the characters defending themselves with hangers, the bird calls that defy any known ornithology- it's all back, and they've doubled down.

The movie starts with the usual terribly written and entirely unnecessary explanatory dialog but the addition of a new male lead who is a director (and has totally won awards for his past movies!) means that the writing now includes a hearty dose of wish fulfillment as well. This Nguyen-avatar talks about all the awards he's gotten before and bemoans the "lack of creative control" non-indie film directors have, gets funding for his newest project from his best friend Rod and Rod's girlfriend Nathalie (the returning leads from the first Birdemic), saves a newly discovered actress from obscurity by convincing her to be in his movie. After again having way too much exposition, the movie seems aaaaalmost ready to get to the action when there is an attack by a "giant jumbo jellyfish" but unfortunately this just seems to serve the purpose of confirming that yes, global warming is going to be a theme again and no, the special effects have not improved. The birds still look like gifs, the audio still cuts out or echoes like nobody is miked properly. Although the sequel does presumably have a better budget than it's $10,000 predecessor it seems that budget was instead spent on a single scene set in the Jaws back lot at Universal Studios, because this movie is where good decision making goes to die.

Like all good sequels, Birdemic 2 is sure to take the opportunity for cameos of characters from the first movie. Fortunately for those who are looking for them, they all happen in one scene to save time! When the characters visit a natural history museum filled with large, prehistoric "cave man eating birds", the bird scientist returns for the purpose of making his speech about global warning. The boy from the first movie also returns for this scene, and his main reason for being here is apparently telling us what happened to the young girl from the first movie- she couldn't be here because "she got a disease from that fish that Rod cooked." We should all be so lucky.

But then the magic happens. A mysterious red rain brings all the birds that were stuck in the La Brea Tar Pits back to life, along with two neandrethals because at this point why the hell not. At first the action is pretty much par for the course from the first film, and at least the exploding birds make sense this time since they've been marinating in crude oil for 10,000 years. But from there, the movie goes off the rails in ways only it can. There's a zombie attack, a caveman attack, and even some kind of temporal loop that causes them to pass the same building at least 3 times while traveling. The horrors of global warming are so much worse than we could have dreamed, and Birdemic 2 is only trying to warn us! If only we could stop laughing hard enough to listen.

So, should you watch this movie? Yes, if you and your friends enjoy terrible movies. And I don't mean "B movies". This is an "F" movie. This movie is the kind of terrible which is only salvageable by watching it with friends who also enjoy this kind of suffering and mocking it. If you are that bizarre breed of person, and if you know others like yourself, and if someday you find yourself deciding to suffer through Birdemic and Birdemic 2, mock it as if your very sanity depends on it. Because believe me, it does.

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